The Garden

[Sharon D.H.]

It's an early October day, when the wind suddenly stops its blowing through the autumn leaves still sticking stubbornly to their oak tree limbs. There is a moist chill in the air that just goes straight to the bones.
Her brown hair blows into her green eyes, blinding her secondly to where she doesn't see the bright flash of light. She feels a great burst of heat that feels like someone just opened an oven door in front of her. She gasps her surprise when a firm hand touches her cheek, moving the hair from her eyes.
Her sight is filled with black hair on a muscular tanned chest, then up she looks, up into the bluest eyes she's ever seen. Light brown hair falls sexily over winged eyebrows. Her eyes flow down to his mouth, a mouth slightly parted, showing crisply white even teeth that is concealing the rest of the pink tongue whose tip is caught between said teeth. A tannish brown mustache grows lightly over lips that just don't quit.
"Who are you?"
The baritone voice flows in and around her, making her muscles feel like jelly as she absorbs the musical lilt to it. The slight old world accent, the charm in the words...."Huh?"
"By what name are you called, my sweet? I am called Lucian."
She shakes herself inwardly at her hesitation, "I..I am...uh..I..I am called Mairi", she replies in a voice that is soo breathy she thinks it is coming from someone else.
Mairi notices the man before her is completely naked. She looks around her, the wind is slightly blowing, the stone statues are still in their same spot, the pond is still the same, "Am I dreaming?"
"No, Mairi, you are not dreaming!" says the voice that flows and she finds herself in is arms, for he catches her before she collapses, "Oh! How....?"
"Are you okay, sweetheart? You almost fainted."
"I guess I am alright," that breathy voice again, she thought.
"You don't look okay". Lucian then bent his head toward her, his long hair touching her skin, feeling like silk and smelling of masculine woodsy type shampoo. Suddenly an overwhelming sense of lust hit her so hard she almost screamed. She looks up into his blue eyes and hears his slight chuckle.
His sweet lips almost touch hers, almost, her eyes close and then......
"Mommy. Mommy, wake up. You were dreaming, mommy. You were moaning in your sleep. Are you okay, mommy?"

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More to come later--------------

[Sam]

:D Your story line is great Sharon. And I really like it. Consider this:
Her lustruous brown hair blown across her face by a forceful wind,now covered her effervescent green eyes, leaving her temporarily blinded to the bright flash of light trying to pierce it's way through. (the rest of that paragraph flows well!!)

Her eyes are suddenly filled by a stream of fine dark brown hair coursing it's way up the expanse of rippled muscles on a well tanned chest. She finds herself starring helplessly into a pair of the deepest blue eyes she has ever seen. Tendrils of light brown wavy hair draped themselves over a pair of winged eyebrows. Her eyes flow down to his mouth. His lips slightly parted in a twisted smile, showing a glimpse of teeth that could easily have been mistaken for a string of pearls had it not been for the tip of his tongue dancing playfully between them. An arrogant brown mustache highlighted the wicked yet tender lips below it. (Everything else flows well.)
But change the woodsy smell of his hair to fresh cut wood. What do you think??

[Sharon D.H.]

THANK YOU DEARLY COCOKNIGHT:D ,
It works very well for me, much more to it than I could possibly add right now........
I am working on the flow between scenes of dreaming and waking, on making it work to where the guy is real and not just a dream, to where the garden is a real place, and she actually meets him there as she dreams it....But I am thinking about getting rid of the kid stuff in the story. It is becoming too much of a "(blush)" story. Kids tend to ruin that type of story for me, so I may just leave them out of it, and add alot of motorcycles and bar fights with this dreamguy, or a big Ram 1500 type truck for him, maybe make him a race car driver in the end, or some type of 'fast" guy. (Maybe even beat up the wrestling contender of the week):rolleyes:

He is not of this world, that is for sure. Lucian is the type of man to be sensitive, yet will not back down from a challenge. Mostly laughs at other people who thinks to beat him in anything, much less fighting. He mostly grins and answers, "Wanna Play??????"

[Sam]

:D OK I see where you are going with this and I really like the concept. IMO you should expound on the meeting of the two characters more to the point where your readers are in need of ice chips but stop short and instead of having her awakened by...say a brute husband or boyfriend. Have him be the nasty guy. Have your hero save her from his brutality and from the fears that she strugles with within herself. You'll have to either drop the accent part or develop it more. If you choose to have him with an accent you will need to give your readers more detail of it and you will probably need to choose and research the dialect and implement it in their conversation. You don't want your main guy completly infallible. Allow him to make mistakes which will cause her further turmoil. To me what makes a GREAT romance novel is that you stretch your characters to their breaking point. Whether it is their passion, their fears, their flaws.... Don't hold back. If you restrain yourself by rushing to get to a point it will show in your writing. Lt. Mac is great with this sort of stuff and so is Pepe. Maybe they can give you some kind of direction as to which path you want to take with your characters.;)