Venting...'Tis the season

[hcla]

Hey there everybody...I suppose alot of people complain about the shopping season, traffic, crowdes, ect....I on the other hand don't....shopping can be extremely difficult enough if you were me out with one of my seniors...my attention is on them...what they want....a dozen bathroom breaks, a case of Kleenex...have you ever cleared the mens bathroom to attend your loved one...people are just RUDE....store management does'nt even seem to GET IT, I must attend my gentleman in the restroom, or he may fall..IN YOUR STORE...and break a hip...now does management GET IT....piss no! Never mind the fact that I don't want to bring attention to the fact that my senior needs the toilet....NOW...But mam' you can't go in..of course not idiots...please clear the bathroom, and wait so some poor dude does'nt come in and get OFFENDED, Lord, theres a chick in the mensroom...PLEASE. What I want to know is WHY... this is not being addressed nation wide...Bathrooms are handicapped assesable...but not uni-sex, in case of situations where a caregiver must attend. After this whole ordeal, my gentleman and I continue shopping, Costco is a big store, pretty roomy..picture this...I'am pushing a 200lb man in a wheel chair with one arm, and pulling a flat bed cart behind me..this can be done..one just needs to be strong,coordinated, and a bit slow. I'am very considerate to not block ailes, and I wait for others, afraid to get in their way, trust me I'm viewed as the problem...and have over the years learned to wait...almost nobody is willing to give right of way to wheelchairs. So here we are looking at some books, and I thought I moved the flat cart enough out of the way...all of a sudden I get this cart SHOVED into the side of my leg, hitting me in the ankle bone...THAT SH.T HURT... well I turn to move the cart, not quite realizing that this well dressed, 50ish man is the one who shoved the cart into me, I moved the damn thing and it turned just right, and was still in his way, so he yells at me "LADY THAT DOES'NT HELP, IT'S STILL BLOCKING THE AILE"! I say "EXCUSE THE HELL OUT OF ME, IT DID'NT HELP WITH RAMMING IT INTO MY LEG." He keeps walkin', and mummbles something about excuse my language, bitch" I said God, what a jerk, and he says thats your opoinion as he struts off. I honestly want to know what you folks think...and how could this of been handled better on my part. My husband says It's my fault...and should always keep my mouth shut, if I ansewer back like I did...it shows my intellegence...:confused::mad::o I think 'TIS THE SEASON...BAH HUMBUG..PEOPLE ARE JUST RUDE AND INCONSIDERATE OF OTHERS.

[Sam]

:mad: He's an a**hole!! Being in that same situation myself before...I will go as far as to go down a different isle if one is blocked by a handicapped person and their caretaker.
It would have been on if I had been the one he hit with that cart.
I would have started with: "What the hell is your problem? Are you handicapped too? Obviously you can't speak the words EXCUSE ME! I didn't realize God needed to Christmas shop at Costco!!" :D
If he'd have called me a b**ch...I would have laid him out on the floor!!
Yep hubby would have had to scratch up bail money.
:p But then I've been accused of having a bad attitude when standing up for myself on more than a few occasions.
I just have NO patience when it comes to people being just plain UGLY!! It's inexcusable!

About the bathroom problem...explain the situation to the store manager. They should clear the restroom of those who would object to your being in there. You should take your complaint to the store's consumer complaint department and ask them to see about making accomodations for such a situation.
If you get no where with that...I would have a magnetic sign made up which states: Occupied by handicapped citizen being assisted by female attendant.

Put it on the bathroom door when entering and take it with you when you leave. Then if anyone enters they can't complain.

[Vernon Gaunt]

Always seemed so regimented in Europe, especially France and most of Italy where the ladies have to walk through the gents (standing room only) (EYES RIGHT!) section to get to their accommodation. No locks on the door but then who really cares. Gawd you'd love the continetal toilets ladies, just a hole in the ground and you learn to aim just like a guy. It's the reason for French ladies not wearing drawers (I think you call it going commando) just think of the problems of removing underwear just incase your aim is OFF!

Come to the UK supermarkets! Every half hour the loos are checked and yes they are segregated, ladies, gentlemen, disabled, right down to wheel chair height wash basins, emergency pull cords and all sorts of handles and lifting gear to ensure the occupant is comfortable. (IT'S THE LAW). Every public building has to have access for the disabled. lift's, ramps, ete etc etc.

So domesticated are we that there are baby changing facilities not only in the male but female sections.

As for the language and bitching, I usually do the weeks shop on a Saturday, my day off, it doesn't help when you find the store full of old age pensioners with small hand carts containing a newspaper and a pint of milk leaning across the handle as if they were using a zimmer frame chatting about the price of bread to each other.

It's not the young folk that are rude it's the damned oldies! They have all week to shop and they lay in wait for me. They note my registration number as I drive into the car park, then whilst I'm walking to the entrance try to run me over. There's one old dear with 15 stickers on her fender each representing a kill. They then call ahead to their friends who move as fast as they can to block the aisles and clatter my heals.
Just as you think you've finished and want to pay you'll find some oldie at the check out trying to figure out how to pay and pack a bag at the same time, then when they've found it's taken them only 15 minutes so far they discover the the money off coupons that they've forgotten to hand over and make one last inspection on the dozen eggs just in case there is a cracked one. All this means their frozen food has defrosted and they want it replaced. 30 minutes later and the hair you have is gone, your fingernails are gone, your humour has gone and the oldie behind you has crashed a bag of potato's onto your cherry cheesecake which is now squished!

"YOU STUPID OLD BUGGER!" I cry in anger and frustration, she smiles back at me knowing she's won! for there, on the conveyer belt is a pack of battery's FOR HER DAMNED HEARING AID!!!!

You've packed, you're ready to go, then just as you think you've made it the weekend money collection surrounded by wrinkly hench persons rattles a tin under your nose "HELP THE AGED SIR!" you make a donation and they pin some flag straight into your breast bone. The blood ruins your shirt.

Back at the car and you find not only have you been blocked in but the final blow, there's a trolley rammed right up your rear tail pipe.

And when you get home the missis askes "What was shopping like?" You see she's got old as well and senility is creeping in. "And OH did you get the --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------?"



Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! !!!!!!!

[Sam]

:eek: OMG V.G. you just made me laugh so hard my sides ache and I have tears in my eyes.
OK I couldn't handle those bathrooms you described in other places but I'll take one in the UK over ours any day!!
I live in a retirement area so those oldies you speak of struck a familiar chord!!
Your rant sounds like the hubby. I've learned to never take him shopping with me and I refuse to go up town with him. Especially on the weekends. I myself get through it by telling myself that one day that fussy, annoying woman could be me. Lord knows I'm not getting any younger. I'll turn 50 next month.
I tell myself that I just hope when I get old and senile (:p which I might already be) I just hope someone will be as patient with me as I am with them. After all it's the only time they probably leave their homes and most probably live alone and it allows them to still maintain some independence and allows them their dignity. So try to be more patient and understanding my friend. It might pay off in the long run.;):D

[StephyC]

Oh poor VG, I'm so happy he's the one who does all the shopping in our house because he has far more patience than I do.:D
I agree Coco that we will all be old and a bit slow sooner or later but like VG I do wonder why the pensioners shop on a Saturday or Sunday when the stores are so busy with we working folks.
I had the pleasure of not working for 14 years while my kids were small and there was no way I would try and shop on a Saturday or Sunday. Its a much more pleasant experience on an early weekday moring while most folks are at work.:) and it took half the time as well.

[Barney]

I would have turned and smiled and said Oh, I'm sorry I'm blocking your way but it doesn't help for you to shove the cart into my leg, you could have shown some proper upbringing and courtesy by asking me to move the cart. Perhaps you will remember that next time before you inflict pain on someone else. All said with a big smile of course. I have found that they usually have no response. It's called killing them with kindness.

As for the bathroom situation I'd wouldn't have even bothered to clear the bathroom. If they can't deal with you being there that's their problem. They can leave if it bothers them. If they don't want you in there then ask one of the ones complaining, which one of them would like to take the gentleman to the bathroom. Bet you don't get many volunteers.

[Sekhmet]

I think the older I get the less patience I have for people. I dont think I like people in general, I like a person(s)..lol..if that makes sense. I have noticed working in the public that people are getting more selfish and ruder and it just isnt the younger ones, its everybody and it is acceptable to call a woman a b*tch and go on and no one steps in. I blame technolgy and all the gizmos folks emmerse theirselves in, like cell phones and I pods and Balckberries so that they are wrapped up in their own little worlds and totaly unawares of their fellow man. But that is just my pet peeve. Plus no one is held accountable for their behavior anymore. If we had acted like that in public 20 years ago we would have been either whipped by the crowd or arrested. Not today..
Oh well I will take my grouchy self back to my cave.lol.:o

[Coolwater]

I really like Cocoknight's idea of a special sign! You could make it like one of those nearly triangular ones that fold flat, so that if its magnets won't stick, you could set it up on the floor. Perhaps carry it in a pouch with a strap. If it were printed up it would look very official!

Some stores have "family rest rooms" for folks with children who are not the same sex as themselves, or who have to go in with elderly folks.

VG, I think that many old folk go shopping on weekends because that is when their family members have time to drop them off at the store.

[Sam]

:D But Stephy..That's when they can bump into the most people. They are usually very lonely and by the end of the week they are running short on supplies. And like Coolwater said..transportation probably makes a difference too.
We have to remember that this is someone's mother, daughter or sister. I always ask myself when I'm running short on patience.."If this was my mom or a loved one...how would I want them to be treated?" It helps me be more patient.

I particularly love it when they are standing at the check-out counter with their little old blue-haired pals. Then they hold out their tiny wrinkled trembling little hand containing the change they are given in the direction of their pal and innocently say:" Did she cheat me out of anything?" :D

And then there are the times when you try to zip into a local burger place for a quick cup of coffee in the middle of the afternoon...only to find you have unknowingly enter the meeting place of the local geriatric society who are currently gathered around the coffee pot. By the time they get their cooffee prepared the way they like it..turn and give you a smile..and hobble their sweet little selves out of the way....The coffee pot is empty and you have to wait for more to brew!! :eek:

Yes those lovely creatures can be a pain in our backsides but just imagine the wealth that lies within! The places they've been and the things they have seen in their lifetimes. So many fantastic stories lie within the walls of those frail little bodies. You are looking straight in the face of a living breathing piece of history and they are priceless.;)

And if by chance they are occasionally rude...well they've earned the right because they have given a lifetime to others while watching their friends and loved ones pass before them. If they have children...they are usually too busy for them. They have had to say goodbye to their youth and give up control to their lives to someone else.

[hcla]

Coco...so well said....it is a joy to me to take my residents out...it is difficult at times...but it makes them happy...so often they stay at home, because of their immobility...or other medical issues, it is I who encourages them to go, reassuring them that batroom breaks, and the pushing around of whhelchairs is not a problem...they are not a burden. Heres a true story...years ago when I worked in a local nursing home...a little man was waiting paitently for a cup of coffee....anyone who has ever been employed, or around a nursing home enviroment knows that there is never enough staff, and its terriable trying to meet everybodys needs...so many don't get the attention they require...150 people to a dozen or so aids is not good management...drove me nuts....I could'nt be everywhere at once...so heres this man waiting for coffee at the kitchen window...he asked me and I said oh sure...the kitchen did'nt have any brewed...so I had to go down to another wing....well I got side tracked into another situation, assisting an aid with a lift, and I forgot...the little man died waiting for coffee....a coincidence yes...but it was the last thing I know of that he ever wanted...at that sh.t just BUMMED ME OUT!

[Sam]

Sekhmet I agree with you that people have become so wrapped up in their busy lives that they no longer feel it necessary to be courteuos to others. And I too think that technology has contributed to it. But only in the sense that people allow it to. I hate cellphones. I have one but only use it for emergencies. I absolutely hated to wait on someone who was talking on a cellphone! For heaven's sake! I don't think there is a single soul on this planet who is so important that they can not miss a call and wait until they are parked somewhere to call the person back. It only takes longer for them and everyone behind them to get through check out counters because the cashiers job requires her to make sure the customer is treated courteously and that they get everything they came in for and sometimes more.

[Sam]

HCLA I was a very impatient person in my youth and the only elderly people I cared to be around were my grand parents. It wasn't until I went into the nursing profession that I began to understand them. I realized just how much I took for granted the simplest tasks that I could do that they no longer can.
I have so many ghosts that seem to follow me from that time. Especially my nursing home training and working with children with hydrocephally and the mentally handicapped kids. What I went through during that time and the things I saw...forever changed me. It made me a better person but it also took a lot out of me spiritually. With each one I lost...a piece of me went with them and a piece of them took it's place. So I knew I had to leave it behind.
I think my defining moment was when I was assigned to care for a comotose elderly gentleman who was sent from the nursing home because they expected him to die. I went in every morning and changed his bed and bathed him and shaved him cleaned his room and talked to him as I was trained to do. Many times a patient can hear you speak or be aware of your presence will in that state but are unable to communicate it to you. The only belongings he had were his dentures, a pair of reading glasses and a book. So sometimes I would have a few minutes left after my lunch break and I would sit at his bedside and read the book to him. Sometimes I thought that I would see his fingers twitch. But the supervising nurse and doctor kept assuring me that it was just muscle contractions and nothing more. Then one day while I was shaving him and talking to him...he opened his eyes. But he was squinting as if he couldn't plainly see me. So I took his hand in mine and ask him if he could hear me and if he could to please try to squeeze my hand. It was a light squeeze but he did squeeze my hand. I went and got the head nurse and told her. Of course she thought I was crazy but I was so insistant that she went and checked. Then she called the doctor who later came and varified that the man who had been in a coma for over a year was indeed awake and aware of his surroundings. The following day I had him sitting for a few minutes at a time and it looked as if he might make a full recovery. I was off the next day but I went to the hospital to check on him. He was sitting in a chair tied in place by a bed sheet so he couldn't fall out. He was shaking and his hospital gown which had not been tied had fell off him The man was naked and freezing and sitting in a room with the door wide open as people walked by. I was fit to be tied! I got him dressed and tied his gown and put him back into bed with extra blankets and made sure he was warm. He squeezed my arm and mouthed the words THANK YOU to me. I told him he was welcome and I saw his lunch tray sitting there where it had been left but no one had had the time to feed him and he couldn't feed himself. I fed him and then I left promising I would see him in two days.

[Sam]

I did return...to find he had died.
It turned out that he had been abandoned at the nursing home by his daughter (his only living relative). She had done so because she could no longer pay for him to get the medical care he needed and the state wouldn't pay it as long as they could find her. It was after realizing she wouldn't be back that he slipped into the coma.
His doctor felt that he had fought his way back because in his delirium he thought I was his daughter who had returned. After realizing I was not his daughter but his nurse...he simply lost his will to live.
To see a father and daughter separated in such a way because of such a broken system and not knowing of a way that I could fix it...It just became too much. So I walked away.
But I remember him each year at this time.
I can look at my own struggles in life and they don't seem so bad.
It's Thanksgiving time here in the US and I realize that I have so very much to be thankful for.

[Coolwater]

Oh, Coco. All hell should have broken loose on the the heads that permitted someone to sit naked, shivering, hungry and alone.

[brilliant!MacLeod]

Hi all,
I have a great story concerning "rude" elders:;)
One day I had to tank up and was in a hurry. At the gas station there was an old gentleman ahead of me and he was a little slow, but I didn´t say anything. I just waited,perhaps looking impatient. When he was ready and awkwardly looking for his money I said to my daughter." I guess this will take a lot longer than I ´d hoped,esp. until he gets back from paying and I bet he lets his car in front of us so that we have to wait for his return"
But-oh wonder-he moved his car out of the way,came over to me and said friendly:"Hi, yesterday I saw a tv show about rude and impolite elder people and I promised to myself that I will never be like these guys.So I apologize for being so slow and having made you waiting.Have a nice day,young lady,"
I was simply speechless and finally thanked him for his kindness.
That was a great experience!:)

[appeace]

Coco, that is why, despite all of my family being in the medical profession in one capacity or another, I never could. I could not hold enough of me back to remain sane. However, just think, God allowed this gentleman to come back to this world just long enough to experience your love and kindness before going home! This blessed person was gifted by you in his final hours. Perhaps that is the job God intended for you as He had bless you with such an abundance for compassion and caring:)
As for "rude elders", I always remind myself and others, "God willing I'll get there one of these days!":eek:

[Scarpetta]

[QUOTE=cocoknight;10627Yes those lovely creatures can be a pain in our backsides but just imagine the wealth that lies within! The places they've been and the things they have seen in their lifetimes. So many fantastic stories lie within the walls of those frail little bodies. You are looking straight in the face of a living breathing piece of history and they are priceless.;)

And if by chance they are occasionally rude...well they've earned the right because they have given a lifetime to others while watching their friends and loved ones pass before them. If they have children...they are usually too busy for them. They have had to say goodbye to their youth and give up control to their lives to someone else.[/QUOTE]

That and if we are fortuneate enough we too will be that age!

A nearby city has a market and cafe that for sixty years has catered to Seniors. Grocery delivery, personal charge accounts (when the Social Security check arrives) and 5cent coffee! It has become not just a Senior citizen stop off but a reflection of the past and what USED to be. That market provides 'Thanksgiving Dinner' for anyone walking in the door, no questions asked. Naturally the numbers grew and they had to ask for signups. They never turned anyone away, just cooked more food!

What is amazing is the number of young people who stop by during 'coffee breaks' and have struck up great friendships. Me for one when in town. One place where someone remembers you and insists on catching up from "when was it last?"

These places are not for the busy professional and naturally cannot be the rule for every market/cafe, but I was so happy to see that the owners , after so many years of serving the community, retired but found a buyer to take over and maintain pretty much as before. They did cancel the 'personal charge accounts' and are working on finding delivery for groceries that will allow the place to stay in business!

Oh, and Thanksgiving Dinner will be served.

[Sam]

I think it's great Scarpetta. I think there should be more places like that for them.
If you look at the changes that have come about in their lifetimes...it's kinda mind blowing...
Alex it was very nice that the gentleman did that. Many of them here turn and apologize for taking so long. I just give them a smile and tell them it's quite alright.
Appeace I do feel blessed for having known him such a short time. It was a giant stepping stone to the person I have now become.

[Littledevil]

Wow Coco! I try to treat people how I would want to be treated. The wealth of knowledge that comes with age is priceless. I want to live to at least a 100 years old. I want to live longer. Provided I still have my wits about me and can still express them. My Nana is 86 soon to be 87 years old. She has gotten to the age where it is hard for her to communicate what or get her words out. she has broken both of her hips and gets around very slow. She is cared for by my mother. Which by the way cares soley for her. Her sister and brothers don't help pay for her care and bicker often. I believe that my Nana will part from us within the next 2 to 3 years. I have prepared myself as much as I can, but know this will be especially hard for my mother. I try to help my mother as much as I can.

[Scarpetta]

Wow Coco! I try to treat people how I would want to be treated. The wealth of knowledge that comes with age is priceless. I want to live to at least a 100 years old. I want to live longer. Provided I still have my wits about me and can still express them. My Nana is 86 soon to be 87 years old. She has gotten to the age where it is hard for her to communicate what or get her words out. she has broken both of her hips and gets around very slow. She is cared for by my mother. Which by the way cares soley for her. Her sister and brothers don't help pay for her care and bicker often. I believe that my Nana will part from us within the next 2 to 3 years. I have prepared myself as much as I can, but know this will be especially hard for my mother. I try to help my mother as much as I can.

I hope you have sat down with 'your Nana' and asked her about your family history, names and places and stories. Our Seniors are a wealth of information and wisdom but sometimes we don't ask until it is too late. If she has stories regarding her 86-87 years (and you don't live that long without many!) then you and someone in your family will enjoy hearing them. Record her telling them or at least write it down. You will enjoy her recitations now and your children, and their children will too.

[Littledevil]

My mother has been doing Geneology for the last 10 years. We can trace our history back to the 1600's on her side of the family. Most from Scotland!!! Grandfather Nana's hubby) was born in Glasgow, Scotland. He was the kind of man that Adrian is, and the Duncan Macleod character. He was a great man. The little I remember about him and the stories I have been told, tell me that. He died when I was almost 5. As for my Nana, she used to tell us stories all the time. She had a stroke a couple years ago, so she has a problem getting out what she wants to say. You kind of have to know or quickly figure out what she means. I don't remember the technical term for it, but she has mini strokes from time to time. It is kind of like Alzteimers. You're mind slowly goes, but that isn't what she has. Her memory is going. Plus she has been getting depressed every couple of months, so we do what we can to keep her spirit up. :(

[hcla]

Little Devil...sounds like TIA...trans-ichshemic attacks...also known as mini-strokes....also very different then Alzhiemer disease...folks that have strokes, usually have whats called a vascular dementia...the brain fuction is impaired from the lack of blood flow, and or is damanged from the intial stroke/blockage..aka blood clot.

[Littledevil]

It was the only thing I could think of to describe it, but that sounds like the term my mom used.