Custom-made suit

[makhno]

A man goes to Morris the tailor to try on a new custom-made suit. The first thing he notices is that the sleeves are too long.

"No problem," says Morris the tailor. "Just bend them at the elbow and hold them out in front of you. See, now it's fine."

"But the collar is up around my ears!"

"It's nothing. Just hunch your back up a little... no, a little more... that's it."

"But I'm stepping on my cuffs!" the man cries in desperation.

"Nu, bend you knees a little to take up the slack. There you go. Look in the mirror -- the suit fits perfectly."

So, twisted like a pretzel, the man lurches out onto the street. Sherry and Florence see him go by.

"Oh, look," says Sherry, "that poor man!"

"Yes," says Florence, "but the suit -- what a beautiful fit."

Best Jokes (http://www.smilezilla.com)

[Coolwater]

:D:D:D

I'll contribute later. I have to hurry right now.

[Coolwater]

Here's one a friend sent recently:

A cowboy walks up to the Pearly Gates one night and is greeted by St. Peter. "Your name is in my Book," said St. Peter, "What do you say are the worst things you've done in your life?" "Well," said the cowboy, "I've done my share of drinkin' and carousin', I guess. And I've lost my temper pretty bad a time or two and got into some fights. I ain't proud of it."

After the two had discussed these events for a bit, St. Peter said, "Now tell me about something good that you've done." "Oh," said the cowboy, "These motorcycle gang members came into our bar and began hasslin' the waitress pretty bad, and when they started layin' hands on her, I stepped up and said, 'Y'all leave her alone or you'll be dealin' with me." "Oh, my," said St. Peter writing in his book. "And how long ago was that?" "Oh," replied the cowboy, "Maybe ten minutes ago."