Hokum Magazine employs new member!

[Vernon Gaunt]

Hokum Magazine.

Due to pressure of work Hokum are pleased to announce the employment of a new journalist from Australia.

Her name is Melony Frontage, she?s 38 and comes from Sidney.

Melony will be taking over the every day content of the Magazine. Whilst I will maintain the sort of in depth reporting you?ve been used to

I M A Mountebank.

G?day! I?m grinning like a shot fox over this appointment. Holy Dooley! I was gobsmacked!

Now I know some of you cobbers have a kangaroo loose in the upper paddock, some are wowsers and some of you have ankle biters but it?s London to a brick I?m the offside of this Mag and I?m rapt to be here.

Being a true blue Aussie I intend to be fair dinkum with you guys. I won?t come the raw prawn. Not me! No, I?ll provide you with a real earbashing. As long as I?ve a full esky and a full schooner, she?ll be right!

Now this bonzer guy Adrian, I intend to bail him up and take him to the beach. I?m hoping to catch the guy in his budgie smugglers with some white pointers so any pickies will sell on ebay!

Only joshing.

I?ll give it a burl and I'll fossick about for info, savvy!

Meantime I need new grundies but they?re exy over here and my moolah?s low until the end of the month. So I?m off for a naughty and a pash.

Strewth! Is that the time I?ll catch you cobbers later.

Melony Frontage.

[pepeperfume]

Meloney....

Do you wear shoes? I have it on good authority that it's much more comfy if you don't.....

And do you play a DIDGERIDOO ... I heard it can sooth the savage beast--or for entertainment purposes make any good Aussie chuckle while watching an offshorer trying to blow something other than a bathroom sound.....

Welcome aboard....

[Vernon Gaunt]

G'day Pepe!

Strewth possum, is that a strange name! You little ripper you. Tall poppies like me Pepe wear thongs, we don't wear shoes! Mind it's brass monkey's here at the mo. I've got me bluey on!

I have blown on me mates didgeridoo. He weren't to pleased. So it didn't sooth his savage beast. And it made me chunder!

As for bathroom noises Pepe i save em for the dunny.

Are you from America china? Boy that's beyond the black stump. Where you from? And are you a sheila? And did you go to school?

[pepeperfume]

Must be a city slicker--Are you from Sidney, Brisbane or Melborune, then?

Not ---Coober Pedy-- I'm thinkin' or you'd not be comparing me to a Strewth possum--and your toes would be free!!!

[Vernon Gaunt]

So you didn't go to school! Pepe!

Thought so! ---- As much use as an inflatable dartboard!

Never mind possum you work hard and you'll get there. Not sure where though. Keep taking the pills!

And that's pronounced kupa piti, just to put you right chook! Meaning "white man in a hole!" Blimey!!!! perhaps Pepe has got a sense of humour if nothing else!

[pepeperfume]

Blimey!!!! perhaps Pepe has got a sense of humour if nothing else!


Took you long enough to realize that...

Welcome Again!

[Vernon Gaunt]

Sidney, Brisbane or Melborune

Nah Possum it was Melbourne that through me! Such a chipper way to spell it. I thought you'd discovered a new pudding. As in peach melba. I quite like the idea of a melbo rune! And whose Sidney?

[Vernon Gaunt]

whoops