"How to say "I love you..."

[Coolwater]

"and in
Alabama, Arkansas, Kansas, Oklahoma, Texas, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Tennessee,
Idaho, Missouri, Mississippi, Montana,
Louisiana, Virginia, West Virginia, Kentucky and parts of Florida.......

' NICE ASS, GET IN THE TRUCK'

(gasping in outrage) :eek: OH!... OH!!

Ooooooh, them's fightin' words, Paul, or Judes or whoever! We are letting slip the dogs of war!

So, the English and the Italians decided to have a football match. The losers had to accept the title of the Dumbest People in the World. It was a hellatious struggle, with no ground given and balls kicked until the players were limping and their toenails blackened.* They played on and on, exhausted, yet no one scored.

* but only because the silly beans never learned to kick properly.

Finally the Brits walked off the field when they mistook a distant train whistle for the Ref's "end-of-game." Six plays later, the Italians scored a goal and won the game.




Take that. :D

[renate]

:D:D:)-I just pm'd you coolwater-what's up tonight??

Renate

[MagicPrincess]

LOL Coolwater...I'm guessing you're from one of those states. Me too :) We've got other ways, but I'm sure that one is used every once in a while.

[Coolwater]

Hiya Renate! :) Good to see you again.

Nice sig, MagicPrincess. I grew up in PA, but I'm a UGA grad living in the Midwest, and the mother of a Native Texan. We lived in College Station for about 14 years, and I have cousins in Dallas. Actually, if that photo is you, you could be one of them. You don't have a close male relative in scanning, do you?

Feel free to add your ammunition at any time. This is Woah!

[Sam]

:DROFLMBO!!! YEP that thar is one way HOWEVER over the last few yers it's become "HEY CHCKIE CHICKIE BOOM BOOM!!" or "Shut up and open me up a beer an I'll let you hold my shotgun while I drink it!!".:p This Georgia peach never ceases to find it amusing though that the rest of the world thinks we all talk like hicks and that a southern accent is a sign of ignorance.:rolleyes:

[renate]

LOL Coco:D:D:p

How's it going coolwater. What's up?:)

Renate

[Coolwater]

So an Italian guy who loves to hunt hears about the good hunting in Scotland, and makes plans for a vacation. He discovers that everything he hears is true, and stays long enough to fish for trout and salmon, to shoot grouse, pheasant, quail, doves, and (oops) one of the gun dogs, whose vet bills he pays. Then the ghilly offers to take him up to shoot roe bucks and other deer. Well, of course, our hero jumps at the chance.

The morning dawns brightly, and the ghilly and the Italian find themselves climbing into the mountains with a pony to carry their gear, and hopefully their kill. As they come around a bend in the trail, they meet a blowsy young woman with a gleam in her eye. She and the ghilly exchange a knowing look, and the ghilly asked, "Are ye' game, lass?"

"Aye," she purrs.

So the Italian shot her.

[Coolwater]

It's only fair play to take another swipe at the English, no?

So, a Frenchman is hauled before the bench on charges of necrophilia, sex with a corpse. "How do you plead?" demands the judge.

"Not guilty."

"Not guilty? They caught you in the act!"

"Yes, your honor, I know, but see, I thought she was English."

[scooby]

Hi Cool - How you doin? *****waves******** Keep your hair on - we Brits HAVE the ability to laugh at ourselves! and BTW the english is wrong it should be "Get your coat - you've pulled"

[MagicPrincess]

:DROFLMBO!!! YEP that thar is one way HOWEVER over the last few yers it's become "HEY CHCKIE CHICKIE BOOM BOOM!!" or "Shut up and open me up a beer an I'll let you hold my shotgun while I drink it!!".:p This Georgia peach never ceases to find it amusing though that the rest of the world thinks we all talk like hicks and that a southern accent is a sign of ignorance.:rolleyes:

I'm right there with ya cocoknight! Although I don't necessarily have a southern accent (born and raised near Houston) even the fact that I was born in the south and will live here forever seems to make people think I'm ignorant or dumb or whatever. Ugh! Drives me crazy. LOL. But I guess people have preconceived notions about other people too, like Californians or New Yorkers.

[Coolwater]

Oh, Scoobs, would I be doing this if the Brits and Italians had no sense of humor? Heavens to Betsy, this is purely for fun!

"Get your coat - you've pulled"? I've never heard that one and am not quite sure what it means. I'll edit: Where does it go?

Yeah, I actually do have a Southern accent - when I've been talking to Southerners. I lived five years in Florida, 9 years in Georgia, and 13 years in Texas. Thing is, the lower half of Indiana is a Kentucky accent, and the center is Midwest broadcast, and a tad further north, it's Michigan/Wisconsin. In our town it's a fifty fifty chance that you're talking to a Southern accent, and then my native Midwest broadcast vanishes! I've probably moved to the one place on earth where both accents go unremarked.

OK, who's going to offer up a joke besides me? Scoobs, you must know a few American jokes?

Or do I have to threaten you all with... Velvet Glove?

[scooby]

Oh, Scoobs, would I be doing this if the Brits and Italians had no sense of humor? Heavens to Betsy, this is purely for fun!

"Get your coat - you've pulled"? I've never heard that one and am not quite sure what it means. I'll edit: Where does it go?


OK, who's going to offer up a joke besides me? Scoobs, you must know a few American jokes?

Or do I have to threaten you all with... Velvet Glove?

LOL - I know its for fun Cool - I have a sense of humor - thats why I left a certain other board that didn't!

Translation: Get your coat - you've pulled" hmmmmmmm how can I explain it - when you go out for the evening with your friends and your hoping to meet someone you are "out on the pull" - so if a fella says to you "get your coat you've pulled" he means you need not look any further - he is the one for you - the usual reply is "you've got tickets on yourself pal"

BTW you will have to shout pretty loud to get VG - he's off on his jollies (that means holidays oooooooops vacation!

As for knowing any American jokes - my momma raised me right - not to mock the afflicted - :p
Hows that Cool?

[Coolwater]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Good one, Scoobs! :D:D:D You mean you don't want to have a battle of wits with a one-armed (American) man??

So it's as if the man comes up and pulls on the woman's coat to come with him? What does the tickets part mean?

Ah, you're right, Veeg is still on vacation. No access to his huge pot of jokes, then.

[Lt.Mac]

Okay ya'll not only am I a southerner but a military brat to boot. I grew up with airmen, soldiers and sailors.
I've heard:
"My ship is sinkin' and you're the life boat"
"I'm at 30,000 feet and falling fast"
"call EOD cause my heart's about to explode"
"You and I make a good recon team"
"Without you I'd crash and burn"
"I'll salute you any day"
"I don't think those are waves rocking my boat"
"I've got you strapped on tighter than my reserve chute"

I could probably remember a few more if I weren't so tired.
Then there's the redneck tradtion of trading hats- you got my hat so now you're mine.

[Lt.Mac]

A blonde walks intio a hair salon and says "Make my look glamorous".
the hairdresser starts to take off the girl's headphones.
The girl says "No. you can work around them."
the poor hairdresser tries but really can't deal with the headphones
She tells the girl "If you just take them off for 2 minutes I can work really fast.
SO reluctantly the blonde takes them off-
while she's cutting the hairdresser notices that the girl is turning blue-
"You okay honey?" she askes
The girl shakes her head yes. so she keeps on cutting. Suddenly the poor girl falls over dead and the cd player she was listening to falls right at the hairdressers feet. She picks it up and puts one of the earpieces to her ear and hears someone saying, "Breathe in, Breathe out, breathe in, breathe out.

I know it's tacky but it's late:D

[Coolwater]

Some of those are pretty cute military lines, Mac. How about, "If I told you you had a beautiful body, would you hold itagainst me?"

Mac, have you spent any time at LeJeune? (I know it's Marine, but don't most bases mix personnel these days?) Avatar is there as a civilian employee, and a friend's son is there, and their accident rate for trainees worries him greatly.

[Sam]

:DShall I add this one?? You must be really tired cause you've been running through my mind all day ; so sit in my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up. That'll really bring out the violins. I don't have a heavy Southern accent. But my daughter really does. And don't even think about going to the local Wal-mart for anything on rainy days or weekends because the migrant farmworkers are lined up and blocking the doorways and gyrating their hips and yelling all sorts of nasty things. Took one by surprise one day when he went too far and I turned around and hurled a few Spanish words back at him. Need I say none of them were nice... Come to think of it most of the words I know in Spanish aren't too nice. Totally not my fault,I learned it from them!! But other than that I'm pretty used to only having to open a door if there isn't someone of the male species around.

[Coolwater]

I ran the pops up one past my daughter, who said it was lame! :p Glad to know she thinks so! As for the Mexicans, how about getting some good phrases from Babblefish?

?Querr?a usted que su madre para o?r que usted habla como eso?

Would you want your mother to hear you talking like that? :eek:

[Sam]

:DI do have to admit that most of the men in this part of Georgia are seriously lacking in the romance department. They have four basic rules: 1) Don't touch my truck. 2) Don't touch my hunting dog. 3) Don't touch my gun. and 4) Don't let the beer get warm. Their Motto is : "Whats mine is mine and what's yours is mine."
But I have to say there are some really great people here too. In the South the definition of a stranger is : Someone I haven't met yet!! The majority of people making up our Armed Forces are from the South. And when a disaster strikes our neighbors we are among the first to come to their aid. Our hearts are even bigger than our mouths. And if we love you we aren't afraid to say so but we don't say it unless we mean it. And last but not least the typical Southerner is a hard worker who gives 110% to everything they do . Any Myths about us are Welcome because it gives us a chance to set the record straight.

[Coolwater]

Woo, Coco, way to make lemonade out of lemons!

Still and all, though, in defense of Southern men, I think you are dating the wrong ones. Granted, I went out with a Georgian once who thought it was cool, while taking me to a restaurant, to pull the megaphone out of the dashboard and shout come-ons to the sorority sisters on the street. How embarrassing was that?? But most of the Southern men I've known were good men, and civilized, a fair description of Southerners generally, I think.

(looking around) Well, I don't know where the opposition is, but I think I'll have at it again.

So, you know how it is, a poor Italian youth slips illegally into England looking for work. He's not doing too well, though, finding only a little day laborer work. Hoping to find farm work, our Italian trudges the country roads, getting poorer, shabbier and hungrier. One evening he comes to a little pub with a sign reading: "George and the Dragon."

The Italian goes round the back to the kitchen and taps on the door.

The publican's wife sticks her head out of the window.

"Signorina, " he asks politely, "I'm'a so hongry. Cood you geeve me some-eh food, please? I weel work.

The woman glanced at his shabby clothes and poor condition. "No!" she said, muttering to herself, "Dirty Packie."

"Cood I av-eh pint of ale-eh?"

"No!" she said again.

"Cood I ah-sleep in your shed-eh jahst a leetle?"

"No!" she shouted.

The Italian finally said, "Please...?"

"What?" the woman interrupted impatiently.

"Signorina," he asked, "Cood I pleas-eh spikah to George?"

[Coolwater]

"A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's....... that's because she changes it more often..."

(studies post. walks around it and studies it from the other side.) :cool: Hmmm.

Sisters, I think that may have been a shot across our thwarts, as it makes us sound vaguely like we have underwear for brains. Deserving of an answering volley, no doubt, but what is distracting me, is how anyone aware of Adrian Paul's situation could possibly regard women as having cleaner minds than men's?

Bow wow wow, yippee yo, yippee yay, bow wow yippie yo yippee yay...

[Islandkat]

*Looks around, taps Coolwater* Well, I'm here, wha up?

*Waves at all the other nice people*

[Sam]

:DLOL Coolwater. I kinda like that new one. It leaves the door open for us women on those rare occassions when we do want to change our minds. Dating the wrong ones...ROFL.. I've been married to one of those "good ol' boys" for 32 years as of July 9th. It seems if you do manage to capture their heart it's yours forever. But I do stay current on the dating scene through my daughter and her friends. But I think it's the same any where you go. There are some good men out there but you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince.:p

[Coolwater]

Amen to that, Coco!

Ladies, I can't recall where I heard this joke, so if you've seen it recently, let me know, and I'll try a different one. I like this one because we have had some incidents like this at our house!

So, this guy is grumbling to his buddy that his wife seems to be getting deaf as a post, but that she refuses to admit it. His friend proposes that he should mark off the distances from the kitchen, call to her and see how close he has to get before she can hear him.

That seems like a good idea, so the guy makes little marks on the floor, and when he comes home the next day, he calls from the door, "Honey, what's for dinner?" No reply.

He gets ten feet closer. "Honey what's for dinner? No reply.

Ten feet closer and no reply, and ten feet closer still. Finally he's practically in the kitchen door, and he calls, "Honey, what's for dinner?"

The wife replies, "Beef stew, like I've been telling you ever since you walked in the door."

[Sam]

ROFLMBO!!! :DI really like that one Cool. (Good Luck to your little puppies Sat.;))( Coco waving back at Islandkat.) Welcome!! Glad you're here!

[Coolwater]

Obviously you are a married person, Coco! :D

Kat? You gonna contribute a joke, or what?

[Coolwater]

Oh! Did the Dawgs play this weekend? Shows how much I worry about football: how'd they do?

Woof woof.

[Sam]

:eek:OOHHH YOU DIDN'T KNOW???:rolleyes:FOR SHAME!!!:DYour bad little boys WON!! Beat Oklahoma State 35-14!! My Gators won theirs also...39-3 and the game was called because of lightening strikes (or so they say...personally I think it was just light glaring off those Gator's teeth as they were chomping..) with 8.45 mins. left in the game and Gators had possession of the ball at the time. So looking forward to kicking Criminole butt and seeing you guys in the finals again this year!!:D

[Coolwater]

Criminoles - that's good. My husband always calls them the Semi-holes: I'm not sure what it's supposed to mean, but it doesn't sound very nice. As for the apparent lightning flashes, that's because the Gators had been snapping their flinty teeth after eating beans again... :p

[Sam]

:DThat IS good. Don't make me break out my gator that plays the chant!! OH NO Haven't you ever heard of a Gator Quickening???:eek::rolleyes:

[Coolwater]

There couldn't be much of a Quickening for a critter that has little more than a midbrain. Really, Coco, I think it's beans.

Do you recall ever hearing about what a Quickening would smell like? Maybe it's all just beans!:confused:

[Sam]

:DWhat a Quickening smells like?? Of Course!! Burning hair,flesh and manure!!! You know like those little puppies smelled when they lost last night. BTW Gators Won theirs.:rolleyes::D

[Sharon D.H.]

What is Adrian's "situation", Coolwater? As to other......I have a Texas accent when I am home and after I travel or live somewhere else for a while I lose it. I used to stump people about where I am from, "can't quite place the accent" they'd say. My accent really comes out when I get upset.
As to How to say "I love you", ..with words.........."i love u", "mi amore", and so on........without words.......get romantic, bring flowers, fix dinner for them, chocolate, movie, chocolate(smiles), viagra(shakes head no), a puppy, a date with Adrian(sighs), chocolate(lol), a nice new car that you kids DO NOT get to drive(smiles real big), ....the list is endless.

[Coolwater]

(pouting) Those dirty Cocks just got lucky.

OK, that is awkward: folks, the name of the team is the Game Cocks, and they and their opponents generally just call them the Cocks. This is the first time I've ever referred to them in print, and if you think the above sounds silly, you should hear their fans singing, "We are the Cocks, the mighty mighty Cocks..."

Stupid Cocks.

[Sam]

:DROFLMBO!!! Cool I am trying so hard to be a good girl but you sure aren't making it easy. You baby bow-wows just got happy and let their guard down! Better Luck next time!!;)

[Coolwater]

Oh, Sharon, the members of AP's fandom are a splendidly lusty group! AP seems to enjoy being admired - who wouldn't? - and we enjoy admiring him, so that is a good relationship, don't you think?

One reads, however, that some fans go too far, and behave, um, inappropriately, shall we say? If you've seen or heard about that extreme sort of behavior, then it is hard to argue that women are somehow "cleaner minded" than men.

I do know what you are talking about. :) And it goes beyond Lone Star English: you know how the Parisians can hassle people who don't speak their brand of French? Well, a Canadian friend who grew up speaking French, lived in Bryan,Texas for quite along time. She'd been to Paris several times in the past, and after twelve years in Texas, she went back to France for a visit, with a Texanized French accent! The waiters were enchanted, they couldn't figure out where she was from, and she, coyly, wasn't telling! She said she got better service on that trip than she ever had before! :D

[Sam]

:rolleyes:OK Coolwater here's one for the AP joke.. True story!! It was on CNN a couple of days ago. Cop somewhere in Georgia arrested a Macdonald's employee. Why?? She put too much salt on his hamburger and it made him sick!!!:eek: Now I ask you?? Where's the crime in that. Couldn't the cop taste the salt if it were enough to make him sick?? And why did he eat it instead of sending it back??
Now here's a counter. A public official in California wants to ban fast food restaurants. Why?? To cut down on obesity and promote a healthier lifestyle for Americans. Now my POV is that if you need to lose weight and stay healthy..keep your **** out of fast food restaurants but you don't have the right to keep me from going to one if I choose to do so. That is blatant communism IHO!!!

[Coolwater]

I thought that salt thing was very strange, and i don't get why he ate it, either. If it tastes that bad, take it back. Sounds like a cop misusing his authority to me.

As for fast food and personal choice, I'm never quite sure where the line needs to be drawn between public wellbeing and the freedom to be stupid. The laws are inconsistent as it is. Cigarettes are legal, alcohol is partially legal, marijuana is not. That makes no sense.

On the other hand, you have to remember that a third of the population has an IQ lower than average. They may not be educated enough to read the scientific and medical literature on the effects of certain behaviors. Should people be allowed to ride motorcycles without helmets? Sure, if we as a society are wiling to let them go without services when they smash their pumpkins on the pavement. We'd have to assume that they are competent to sign a waiver saying that their families will totally support them should they become semi-vegetative or in need of extensive rehabilitation as a result of riding without helmets.

So, no, I don't think that fast food should be outlawed: I love fast food. I'm OK, however, with outlawing trans fats in fast food, or prohibiting it from school cafeterias.

The place to draw the line is unclear.

[Sam]

;)I totally agree. I think that so many lines have been blurred throughout the years that it does make it harder to distinguish what's the right thing and what's the wrong thing. And cops here are always abusing their power which is IMHO why there is such a rebel mentality. I just think that we are losing so many of our rights to make choices for ourselves , in the name of protecting us from ourselves, that we are gravitating towards a society who is dependant on our ever changing government policies to make those decisions for us.

[Coolwater]

Heavens, how did we get so serious?? We'll have to fix that.

How the Italians lost the war:

Italian Guard #1 (squinting through his binoculars): Is that a U Boat?

Italian Gurad #2: No, that's notta my boat. Quit messin' around.

[Sam]

:DLOL cute!! I used to take my brothers to Chemo and here's a couple the Chemo patients told me.
What do you call a chemo patient at a rock concert??
Answer: A glow stick.

What do you call a chemo patient standing at an intersection after dark??
Answer: A traffic light!

Amazing that with all they go through they can still make jokes about it and use the laughter to get them through.

[renate]

-that's pretty good Coco and yes you're so right on that.
Chemo is pretty hard on one-I should know
because I experienced that when my mom had chemo and she sure WASN'T laughing.:(:(

Renate

[TinaMarie]

[QUOTE=Coolwater;3688]"and in
Alabama, Arkansas, Kansas, Oklahoma, Texas, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Tennessee,
Idaho, Missouri, Mississippi, Montana,
Louisiana, Virginia, West Virginia, Kentucky and parts of Florida.......

' NICE ASS, GET IN THE TRUCK'

(gasping in outrage) :eek: OH!... OH!!

HA!HA! I like that one coolwater!:D

Or just knock'm upside the head and say'I LOVE U,AYE!' lol...:rolleyes:

[Blue Topaz]

"I LOVE YOU" in other languages:

French : Je t'aime

Gaelic : Ta gra agam ort

German : Ich liebe Dich

Japanese : Kimi o ai shiteru

Navajo : Ayor anosh'ni

Polish : Ja Cie Kocham or Kocham Cie

Spanish : Te amo

Taiwanese : Gwa ai lee

Yiddish : Ikh hob dikh lib


(My apologies for any misspelling. Feel free to add to the list...)

[Blue Topaz]

"The Hormone Helper"

There are certain days of the month when a man could use some help finding the right things to say to his girlfriend/wife. This is a handy guide to help him.


WRONG: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRASAFE: Have some chocolate


WRONG: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Wow, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRASAFE: Have some chocolate


WRONG: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could WE be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here's my pay check
ULTRASAFE: Have some chocolate


WRONG: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left..
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRASAFE: Have some chocolate


WRONG: What did you do all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't over-do it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!
ULTRASAFE: Have some more chocolate.